


Wishes

by LeFoy



Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: HYDRA Steve, M/M, Not A Fix-It, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-02
Updated: 2017-06-30
Packaged: 2018-10-14 00:19:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,555
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10524966
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LeFoy/pseuds/LeFoy
Summary: The vibranium band encasing Tony's finger promised him a future, a future with Steve. Yet, the blood stained HYDRA emblem decorating the blonde's chest said otherwise.





	1. Chapter 1

Tipping the small nozzle of an oil bottle over the cogwheels of Steve’s seventy year old watch, a sigh of content left the engineer’s lips when the minute hand began to move, emitting a faint ‘tick’ as it went. Tony would have gladly bought the man a new watch, but the other was adamant on keeping this one. Sentimental value, he’d said. 

The team had been granted a two week vacation after having to blow torch life sized moths and electrocute green blobs of hell-knows-what. Tony would be _damned_  if he chose to spend his much needed vacation in New York after the incident. Thus, the genius grabbed a certain captain and whisked him away to a modern, storybook styled house in the heart of Maryland. The duo spent the last ten days tangled up in each others limbs, buried under heaps of fur blankets as the frost of winter gradually piled up on the tops of trees outside their bedroom window. 

 

A normal morning was filled with at least an hour of Tony refusing to let the broad-shouldered blonde slip out of his arms, and the blonde ending up under the doe-eyed brunet who’d slipped his upper body beneath Steve’s already too tight shirt, halfway asleep with his cheek pressed against the other’s bare chest. The night consisted of an irritated capsicle throwing an equally irritated tinkerbell over his shoulder once he got fed up with the brunet’s persistence to stay in the lab which was all too similar to the one in the tower. As for the evenings and afternoons…They are not to be stated due to fear of Tony being lynched for besmirching America’s pure and righteous Golden Boy.

There were many times when the engineer would’ve been fine with dying, but now certainly wasn’t it. Not when everything felt so…Perfect.

 

Looking over the now functional watch once more, Tony straightened up and stretched his arms above his head, leaning from side to side with a small yawn. The watch worked, but Steve couldn’t wear it if it was all greased up. Well, he could, but he’s fucking Tony Stark so that wasn’t an option. 

So, the billionaire set out to the kitchen with languid steps, watch in one hand while the other rubbed at his eyes, trying to keep himself awake. Normally, staying up for a few more hours wouldn’t effect him in the least, but recently his body refused to remain operational after ten o’clock sharp. He knew why and wasn’t worried, plus Steve and his mother hen-like tendencies found it to be something worth celebrating for he was used to carrying a passed out engineer back to his room after a four day lab binge.

 

After scrubbing the oil off the watch, Tony set it onto a white towel beside the sink as he heard the thudding sound of feet meeting the wood flooring. Taking a quick glance at the dial, the hour hand ticked to ten, telling him it was time to go to bed. Tony didn’t even try to mask the sleepy smile adorning his lips at the thought of Steve. The man’s piercing, baby blue eyes always had a way of slinking into the depths of his whiskey ones. They made him feel comfortable, content, and safe. All the more when he felt a toned arm coil around the curve of his waist paired by a set of lips pressing against the shell of his ear, “Sweetheart, what are you doing still up?”

“I fixed your watch.” The brunet hummed as he noticed a few specks of grease on the diamonds embedded into a vibranium band fit snug around his finger. “In fact, it’s waterproof now.” He added with a hint of smugness in his voice while he slipped the ring off, turning slightly to get a look at his fiance’s face. 

The cerulean orbs of oceanic hues immediately caught Tony’s gaze, a simper painting itself onto the blonde’s lips as he leaned forward to brush his lips over the others, mumbling out a soft, “Thank you.” This caused the genius to grin, lips parting to reply, right before a sharp pain spikes through his abdomen- nerves set afire as the adrenaline rushes out in a desperate attempt to numb the spreading pain. A clinking noise aiding the brunet’s choked gasp of sheer pain as the ring slipped passed his trembling fingers and into the drain. The man tilted his head to look down at his abdomen, his eyes widening in the slightest as a sense of confusion and shock settled into Tony’s very core, quivering fingers hovering over the white, blood soaked fabric of his shirt. An all too familiar hand gripped the handle of the knife, the vibranium band glinting under the strokes of light.

A shuddered breath left the brunet’s lips as his coffee hued spheres flicked up to the blonde, “S-Steve…?” His voice wavered, amber orbs precariously drinking in the baby blues he used to get lost in, never once wanting to find his way out. Still trembling fingers found themselves curling into the leather covering the other’s arms, trying to ground himself somehow. Trying to make reason of what was happening. Trying to see if this was all a terrible nightmare that he’d soon wake up from…Like he always did.

“Shh, doll, it’s okay. It’ll be over soon,” the male in front of him murmured with fondness, lifting his free hand to gingerly cup the brunet’s cheek, pulling him to his chest. “Don’t struggle, and you’ll be fine.” He whispered whilst looking down at the man adoringly, briskly brushing a few loose strands of hair away from the shorter’s forehead. “I’m doing what’s the best for both of us, Darlin’. I promise.”

Tony shook his head, parting his lips to question ‘till he noticed the blood red tentacles of an octopus adorning Steve’s chest.

HYDRA.

 

Normally, he would’ve shoved the other away long ago and fought his way out the damned door, but this was Steve. Fucking Steve. Steve Rogers, the man he spent the last few years getting to know- getting to _love_. It was the warmth of _his_  body he’d woken up to every morning for the past two years, _his_  voice that lulled him to sleep each night, and _his_  tender gaze that sent a sense of warmth and comfort with each glance- a sense of _home_.

Instead of moving away, Tony leaned back on the counter for support and threw his head back, laughing. He laughed through the slicing pain searing in his abdomen, and laughed through the pathetic tears that now raced down the soft curves of his cheeks. He couldn't help it. He felt broken. So utterly, damned, _broken_. How could he have been so stupid? Love? Affection? Marriage?

 

They were all wishes, and wishes they’d remain. 

 

But they weren’t the reason for his tears, no. It was loss.

 

All Steve could do at this point was watch the brunet sink down to the floor with his fit of hysteria. He tilted his head as if to figure out the reason for such odd behavior. Perhaps it was the lost of blood, he thought, crouching down in front of the engineer, hand reaching out to hold the other’s chin, tilting his face up. “I pity you, you know.” He began, his other hand moving to wipe the tear stained cheeks. “Always so weak. To the point where you can’t even take care of yourself without an AI system.” He clicked his tongue, shifting to get a look at those golden eyes. “So desperate for love, it’s made you blind…Tony, how can anyone love you when your own parents never did?”

The brunet grit his teeth, eyes wild with disgust while he glared at the man before him, “Don’t you dare fucking mention my parents.” He seethed, “If it weren’t for my father, you wouldn’t be here. Remember that.”

Steve’s expression darkened instantaneously, merciless fingers digging into the younger’s jaw, “You don’t speak to me like that. Insult me again and I’ll end you definitely.” His voice was low, dripping with a challenge laced in venom while his eyes bore into a pair of umber, free hand coiling around the handle of the knife to show just how much he meant his words.

It only made Tony smile.

 

He followed Steve’s hand, curling his much slender fingers over Steve’s larger ones, securing his grip. “Do you love me?”

The blonde’s steel spheres remained emotionless as he looked on. “No. I never did.”

The brunet nodded once, refusing to look away even as his sight slowly became blurry with the warning of more traitorous tears. “Do you care about me?”

A mocking smile tugged on Steve’s rosette lips, a small spark of amusement flashing across his eyes aided by a small shake of his head. “Never will.”

 

Hearing those answers, Tony couldn’t be happier.

 

“Good.”

 

The corners of amber eyes glistened with relief, a small laugh emitting from the back of his throat for he was smiling. Finally. 

Without a second to spare, Tony tilted the knife embedded into him and pushed down, deeper into himself, sending a heavy shock of lethal agony throughout his entire being, jaw clenching in an attempt to stifle his cry. “There you go,” he gasped with a pained chuckle following shortly after upon seeing the gush of darkened blood feeding into the pooling blood beneath him, the dried layer on his fingers now coated with a fresh coat. “Fate closed.”

He was done. Nothing could change that now.

 

Steve hadn’t moved. He was exactly how he was before. Emotionless, stone cold eyes drinking in Tony. He didn’t say anything. Only lifted his fingers to brush a small lock of hair behind the younger’s ear before deftly, gently pressing the pads of his fingers against the genius’s lips, which Tony parted. 

They held each others gaze, like they had many times before. Before today.

Wordlessly, Tony too, lifted his hand, reaching out to press his palm against the side of Steve’s jaw, savoring in the feeling of warmth. Warmth his body was beginning to lose. He continued on, chastely tracing the others features, taking his time with every curve and edge. As if he wanted to remember them for later. Remember how they felt, because sight wasn’t enough. He still loved him. Steve.

So he told him.

 

“I….I’m happy. Thanks, for keeping me company when I didn’t have anyone. For caring about me, even if it was all pretend and lies.” His fingers threaded through the others blonde, silken locks, reveling in the feeling. A feeling he’d want to remember. “Even if everything was one-sided, I still got to experience it all. I’d be lying if I said none of it was amazing. You…You made me feel things others couldn’t.” His hand began to go numb, no longer able to feel the sensation of warmth against his skin. Despite it all, he continued, knowing there wasn’t much time. “I know it didn’t mean anything to you, but…It…” Tony trailed off to lean his head against the wall, eyelids fluttering once. “It meant something to me. So, thank you.”

The blonde was silent, quietly listening to the slowing of the younger’s heartbeat, breath becoming shallower by the passing second. He dropped his gaze to the brunet’s left hand that now remained in his, delicately brushing his thumb over a specific finger, feeling the indented skin of where a vibranium band used to be. Still indented this whole time, as if waiting for the ring to be slid back into place. Back where it belonged.

“You shouldn’t have fallen for me...”

 

He was tired. Much too tired to continue on, he wanted to sleep. Perhaps a nap would suffice…But before that, the younger wanted to have the last words. So, he did. It was the last few words Tony could muster out before a dull, numbness enveloped his body and mind, his onyx lashes pressing into the tops of his cheeks whilst they fluttered shut. 

 

"I'm still glad I did, Stevie."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are food for an author's soul, so be sure to leave one.  
> Oh, and kudos too!


	2. Chapter 2

Burly fingers coiled around the metallic knob of the burgundy door, thumb pressing flat against the cold material whilst a laser scanned his fingerprint. A soft ‘click’ emitted from the device once it unlocked, allowing the man to turn the knob and push the door open, wanting to get away from the blizzard wreaking havoc outside. A well known chill settled into his spine once he was met with a gust of warmth. The house was exactly as Steve had left it. Not a detail out of place.

 

Stepping forward, the blonde shrugged off his coat and hung it onto a rack. He had a conference in Washington, but the weather made it difficult to travel by air. Therefore, he stationed himself somewhere close that he knew. The Storybook home. He'd kept it as the last memoir to Tony. Everything else pertaining to the genius had been wiped clean, and rebuilt in Hydra's vision. There wasn't a trace of him left. The only tracks still living were the ones embedded into memories.

Steve's footsteps echoed through the vacant home, as if to emphasize the absence of a crucial piece in its lavish mockery. It wouldn't have been long before another pair of footsteps joined his- ones that were hurried, excited. And not long after, Steve would find his neck being pulled down and his face peppered with pecks. The blonde shook his head. He never liked it. 

The door to the master bedroom was open, still. The curtains were slightly parted to let in strings of sunlight dance on the rumpled sheets of the oversized bed. Two pillows angled near the edge, piled on top of each other. It all brought on an entourage of forlorn wishes laced with promise. Damned, the room was. 

His pale fingers reached out to the wrinkled sheets, wondering if they'd still be warm. 

 

They weren't. 

 

The silken fabric bent with the slightest touch, and Steve immediately drew his hand back, afraid it would disturb the pattern. Afraid it would erase the few remnants he had left.

 

Pursing his lips, Steve glanced up at the ceiling, hoping to make his surroundings feel less... Empty. 

"FRIDAY, voice activate. Steve Rogers." She didn't respond. Steve gave the AI a few more seconds. Nothing. He paused for a moment, eyes darkening when he realized why. 

 

”Capsicle."

 

Following his voice, the room brightened with screens illuminating the walls with various coding.

"Sir," the AI's Irish accent emitted, and Steve couldn't mask the tug of a smile.

“Anything on today’s agenda?” He asked albeit knowing the answer to the question. Or expected, at least.

The screens began to cluster together to expand in size, displaying a play button in the middle. “Affirmative, Captain. There is video scheduled for you to see. Would you like to complete or ignore this task?” The AI inquired, her voice unusually monotone. No one had interacted with her ever since the incident. She’d been isolated. Perhaps that’s why. The thought made Steve frown. Tony’s creations were never created to be filed away.

 

The man looked on at the triangular shape of the play button, a silver hair of fear creeping into his curious mind. What could have Tony left? It couldn’t possibly be anything regarding the event… Steve uncurled his fingers, having noticed his hands were clenched only after his palms began to throb. Why was he afraid? The blonde snickered, he was being ridiculous. “Complete the task.”

FRIDAY didn’t reply, but the blank screen now held a fidgeting brunet who’d clearly just woken up from bed. Steve’s entire existence tilted as he stumbled back, nearly knocking over a nightstand. It was Tony. Tony. He shook his head, refusing to look at the screen. He wouldn’t. Not after he sheltered himself so well. Not after he burned all the photographs he’d taken. Not after he tore the drawings and paintings he’d spent days finishing. Not after-

 

“Steve,” a somnolent voice called out, hushed and soft. Yet it felt like a searing scream to Steve. A few taps followed afterward. Tony was tapping the camera, Steve guessed. He was tapping the camera to get attention. Something so typically Tony. “I know you’re probably confused, but don’t call Fury just yet, okay? The man can only keep an eye on so many things. Literally. He only has one eye.” A breathy laugh followed the statement, ringing into Steve’s ear like small bells. It’d been so long since he heard that laugh. He’d forgotten how warm it made him feel. “So, let me explain before you get mad at me for leaving you.”

Those words made Steve look up, daring to gaze into a pair of whiskey swirls. His breath caught at the sight. The ruffled tufts of dark, honey hued hair falling over the male’s eyes, which he lazily swept to the side with the back of his hand. Only to grumble when they fell back into place. It was Tony. “Relax, I’m coming back,” he huffed out, a grin sneaking onto his lips like he knew the blonde would be taken aback by his previous statement. It made Steve want to stop the video, but he couldn’t. 

 

The tops of Tony’s cheeks were brushed with a faint pinkish hue. It was mesmerizing. The younger’s tan had worn off then, for it had been winter and the genius preferred to be wrapped in blankets rather than UV rays. His dark lashes were thick and curled, framing his doe eyes that held a world Steve could no longer reach. His lips were flushed with a reddened tint, salaciously swollen as a reminder of the prior event. The brunet was glowing.

“Now, before I spill, I just want you to know that…Uh…” Tony trailed off, his cheeks deepening in color before he buried his face into the pillow propped up beneath him, mumbling a few incoherent words. After a moment of squirming, the younger lifted his head, looked straight into the camera, blew a few strands of hair away from his eyes, and blurted, “I’m pregnant and craving watermelon in the winter- and maybe pickles dipped in mustard. Is that too weird?”

 

Pregnant. The early sleep schedule. The constant snacking. Little to no consumption of coffee. Being tired more than usual.

 

“We’re going to be a family, Steve,” Steve watched the younger laugh again, the whiskey irises reminding him of the riveting, turbulent waves that licked along the crystals of glass underneath the glaring sun in crepuscular rays; bewitching, Tony was. It left the blonde breathless. 

"If you see this- obviously you will. I'll be on my way to New York where there's watermelons year round, not to mention the UN meeting Pepper will kill me for. Also, if you see pickle jars open, it wasn’t me, it’s our baby, okay? Definitely not me.” Tony huffed, a stern look painting his features whilst he sat in denial, “I can’t stay much longer, but I promise to fix your watch the day before I leave. ‘Till then, capsicle!” With a chaste kiss to the vibranium band around his finger, Tony faded to black, and Steve felt like his lungs had collapsed. 

 

It couldn’t be.

It wasn’t possible.

Steve shook his head.

_It didn’t matter._

 

Flexing his hand, the blonde glanced down at his empty fingers and stared. The ring. Sink. Tony’s ring had fallen into the sink. 

Hesitantly taking a step forward, the man’s shallow, turquoise spheres flitted to the blank screen, his mind trying to piece the brunet’s image back in sheer desperation before he forced himself to look away. No, he wouldn’t succumb. He refused.

 

The kitchen was spotless. All evidence of its history wiped clean, free of the lingering sin that was embedded into the surrounding walls. He bent down to open the cabinet below, hands gripped taut around the pipe to twist it loose. The traces of water were long gone, having dissipated throughout the years. Placing his palm under one of the opening, Steve slowly tilted the pipe, soft clinks being heard as the metal travelled down the passage and into the blonde’s awaiting hand.

Here it was. Tony’s ring.

 

The band was in pristine condition besides the string-like streaks of oil. Tony had been cleaning his hands of the greasy product, Steve remembered. He returned the pipe back into its place before standing up, reaching out to turn the faucet on before holding the band underneath the flowing water, using a pump of hand soap to clean the grease off. Once satisfied, Steve shut the faucet and wiped the band with a kitchen towel. He turned the vibranium band in his palm, reveling in the way it caught the light. He’d loved the way it contrasted Tony’s sun-kissed skin, the band being a few sizes smaller than his own. A perfect fit.

The side of the ring pressed into the pad of his thumb, glinting with the slightest movement as Steve wallowed in the details of it. Details that were bound to be familiar, for he’d drawn them ever so often. Wallowing in his thoughts, Steve almost didn’t register the light thumps of footsteps that were getting louder with the decreasing proximity.

 

“Stevie?” A mellifluous voice called out. Its tone warm and inviting and so, _so_  familiar. Tendrils of spiked emotions ran rampant through Steve’s hazed mind.

 

 It wasn’t possible.

 It couldn’t be.

_It wasn’t possible._


	3. Chapter 3

The voice came from Steve’s left. He turned to look, but didn’t see anyone. It was a voice, and it said his name- he knew it. He wasn’t going insane. Perhaps one of his men were here…But they didn’t call him 'Stevie'. No, only Tony did. 

He wasn’t sure.

 

Curling his fingers around the grip of a gun, he secured his hold and stealthily backed up against the adjacent wall. Another thud was heard and Steve instantly pulled out the gun, the heel of his feet turning as he swiped forward and aimed the muzzle dead set against a child’s forehead. 

 

“W-What,” he was baffled, his cerulean orbs not believing the sight it was taking in. He slowly lowered his gun, confusion drowning his thoughts as he stared at the child in front of him. A girl. Her hair was blonde, golden almost where the light caught it. It was in wavy ringlets, framing the delicate shape of her face as it reached her shoulders. As for her face… God, the pair of eyes she had on her. Steve couldn’t help but stare. They were the same brown Tony’s had been. 

She stared up with the same flummoxed look Steve had besides the slightest scrunch of her nose. 

 

Tony. That was something Tony did.

 

The girl couldn’t have been older than two the man observed as he put his gun away. “What’s your name?” he inquired, tone soft and just above a whisper as he knelt down, not wanting to scare the child- even though she didn’t look the least bit scared. Instead, she had a curious glint in her eyes. She looked over him, as if she were searching.

“P…Pah,” the child softly sounded out, her pudgy hands reaching up whilst her fingers curled into a fist, only to uncurl before curling once more. She was grabbing for something. Steve followed her hands and paused when he saw she was reaching for the vibranium band fitted tight around his pinkie. 

“Pah,” She huffed, scrunching up her nose even more while she shuffled forward, grunting once. The captain stood still, mindlessly pressing the pad of his thumb against the cool metal. He was contemplating over whether or not to give the band to the child. She seemed to like shiny things, he noted. Sighing when he saw her lips form into a stubborn pout, Steve reluctantly slid the ring off and held it loosely between his index and thumb, “You can have it.” 

 

He didn’t care for the ring anyway.

 

Once the girl had the metal band, she practically beamed. Her eyes glittered with wonder whilst her tiny fingers fiddled around with the band, even holding it up against the light once to see how the diamonds sparkled. “Pah…Wetty…Pwetty,” she finished with a cheeky smile, showing off her pearly whites. Steve couldn’t help but chuckle at her expression, finding it to be absolutely adorable. The pink hue adorning her cheeks made it even more so… 

But he still didn’t know who she was.

 

“Now that I’ve given you the ring, how about your name?” The man tried again, a small smile having settled on his lips. It’d been a while since his face experienced the expression this much. Maybe she’d gotten lost and had found a way in somehow. It would’ve been hard but… Not impossible. Steve didn’t know the house well, only having spent a few days in it before the…Incident.

 

“S…Sah,” the child begun to sound out, pulling the man out of his thoughts. She pursed her lips, swaying a little whilst she puffed her cheeks out, seeming to be frustrated at herself. 

Steve bit his tongue to hold in a laugh and gestured for the child to continue, “Go on. Sah…”

 

She huffed and abruptly reached out to take Steve’s hand, grasping her small fingers around his thumb to pull his hand closer. The contact sent a wave of warmth through his palms, his lips parting to allow a sharp intake of breath at the sensation. He hadn’t been touched without some sort of ill intent in years. His brain equated touch to many words; threat, kill, danger. Not warmth. No, that word had died with Tony.

The child placed her hand in his, pointing to the metal bracelet. It was vibranium also. Her parents must be of importance if they could afford that, Steve noted whilst he tipped the metal over to see it read ‘Sarah’. She couldn’t pronounce her own name, it made the captain grin. She was so pure. “Say it after me, sweetheart. Sarah,” Steve said her name slowly, making sure the child’s bright, brown eyes were following his lips. After a few more tries, she got it right. 

 

“Sawah!”

 

Besides the ‘r’.

 

Her resemblance to Tony was uncanny, and Steve knew it even if he refused to admit it. Everything from the subtle dip below her lips to the curl of her umber lashes. They all screamed Tony. Well, everything besides her golden hair, and tone of skin. She was much paler than Tony. Maybe… No. That couldn’t be it. She was probably one of the security team’s children, having run off to explore uncharted territory like the curious things they were.

 

Steve gingerly ran his thumb over Sarah’s wrist, idly playing with the engraved bracelet. He couldn’t help but wonder if… If this was how it would have felt to have a child. A family. The warmth, the smiles, and the laughs. All of it. Would he have been a good father? He always saw couples hanging about, one of them glowing with the blessing of pregnancy whilst the other doted. Arms would be wrapped around the growing swell, and it always reminded Steve of the chance he’d never rekindle. The chance to have felt his lover’s stomach to see if the baby would kick, to see if it would respond to his voice. Chance to bicker with Tony about staying up late to build high-tech baby toys. The chance… To see Tony smile. 

 

There were so many chances…Yet Steve lost all of them.

 

A pair of warm hands cupping his face tore Steve out of his thoughts and into an equally warm pair of brilliant umber eyes. “D..Ah. Dah. Dahda,” she murmured quietly, her palms gently pressing against the man’s cheek to gain more of his attention. 

The girl must’ve been looking for her dad, Steve thought with a sigh and placed his hands up to cover the child’s, “You’re the Captain, let’s go find your Papa.” Standing up off the floor to move, Steve paused when Sarah’s grip on his thumb tightened.

“Papa!” She exclaimed, excitement brimming over her face upon saying the word. She made a small noise of triumph and quickly shuffled around with the glistening ring in her palm, tucking it safe around her pinkie just as Steve had done even though it was all too big for her tiny fingers. Huffing, Sarah pointed to the corridor whilst looking up at Steve, her thick lashes fluttering once before she tugged at his sleeve. 

 

Needless to say, the man was utterly confused. There wasn’t anything down the corridor- at least, not that he knew of. Tony said he was going to build something there, but to Steve’s knowledge, he’d never gotten to it. “I don’t think your father- Sarah!” Steve called out when she suddenly began to run towards the corridor, leaving him stationed. “Great… FRI, light up the hall so she doesn’t hit the wall or something,” Steve mumbled. The house wasn’t exactly baby-proof, and the last thing he wanted was for Sarah to trip and hurt herself.

 

The corridor lit up leisurely, the lights flickering at first due to it’s lack of use. Sarah was no where in sight. Steve frowned, walking until he was face to face with a blue door. He didn’t remember it being here. “Sarah?” He called out again as he placed his hand over the scanner beside the door, unlocking it. Pushing the door open, the captain hesitantly stepped inside, freezing in place when he saw an array of pastel colors blinding his vision. There were countless of shelves, all neat and organized by its contents. Baby books, plushies, blankets, and Avengers’ Memorabilia. The very first shelf held two bears; one adorned with his signature shield while the other wore a red suit of armor. 

 

It was a nursery.

 

He couldn’t move, much less process everything he was seeing. Everything he would never have, all in one room to remind him of it.

The walls were decorated with a beautifully painted forest, trees aligning the arches while the ceiling resembled a realistic morning sky. The smoky clouds scattered about was the light source- definitely something Tony had thought of. However, one thing stood out the most; the blank wall where the crib was placed against. It was white, blank, and contained no mark or design except for a red envelope taped to it. 

 

Hesitantly stepping into the room, Steve’s toes unconsciously curled into the softness of the carpet before he walked towards the envelope. It was for him, he knew it was. 

 

His hands trembled ever so slightly, holding the envelope almost delicately as if it had a life of its own. The crinkling sound of paper infiltrated the empty air, ceasing only when Steve pulled out the graph paper it held. Tony always wrote notes to him on graph paper...

The ink was dark and the creases on the paper were perfectly aligned. Steve could practically hear Tony saying,

 

_'I remember you telling me how much you’d love to have a home that was filled with little feet pitter pattering about._

_I remember saying I never wanted kids because I… I didn’t want to be like Howard._

_But that was before we got engaged, and you- you gave that dream up to be with me. Me._

 

_I still think you need a psych evaluation. But, it got me thinking and… You’ve given me so much, and you could’ve done so much better…_

_But here you are, by my side._

_For that, I’m going to give us something we’ve always wanted; a family._

 

Steve’s breath hitched, the paper bending under the tight grip of his fingers when he read the next few lines.

 

_Sarah Stark-Rogers. That’s going to be her name._

_After your mother, Sarah Rogers. I know you’ll love it._

 

Sarah…

No, that wasn’t possible…

It couldn’t be.

 

_I know you’ll be bored while I’m gone, so I’m going to have you do what you do best; art._

_I’ve left the most important wall blank for you, Stevie. Go on, add your touch._

_And never forget,_

_I love you both._

_-Your Other Half,_

_Tones'_

 

Wrecked.

 

That was the one word used to describe Steve. Wrecked.

 

“FRIDAY…” He started with a shaky breath and crouched down to steady his reeling mind, trying to get a hold of himself. Try so desperately to piece it all together. Sarah, he’d seen Sarah, and now she was gone. Tony… When was the last time he held Tony? How long had it been?

 

“Where’s Tony?”

 

The reply was immediate, “Sir, Mr. Stark is located in the Stark Family Cemetery. He is buried next to his mother, Maria Carbonell.”

 

Gone. Tony was gone.

 

Loss.

That’s what Steve felt. 

 

Empty.

That’s what Steve was. 

 

Happiness.

That’s what Tony was.

 

Nothing.

That’s what the crib held.

 

Wishes.

That’s what he'd ever have...

 

For the next thing he knew, the pastel walls disappeared to a deep crimson, showcasing the famous symbol of HYDRA as Bucky walked in holding a glass of water. "I heard a certain punk didn't take his meds." the soldier sighed disapprovingly, placing two pills into the Captain's open palm, "You'll start hallucinating again if you stop taking 'em."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was supposed to go in an entirely different direction. I planned to have it include Tony- like actually Tony, but my brain was like, 'No, fuck Steve.' :') So I did.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments are food for an author's soul, so be sure to leave one.  
> Oh, and kudos too!


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